Tock's Calm and Kind Book
Notice it. Name it. Calm down. Choose well.
What is this book about?
This book is about feelings: yours and other people's. It shows you how to notice them, name them, calm big ones down and choose what to do next.
Everybody has feelings, all day long. None of them are wrong. Feelings are messages from your body and brain. What matters is what you do with them.
These are skills, like reading or riding a bike. Nobody is born knowing them, and everyone can get better with practice. They help you learn, make friends and get through hard days.
How this book works
Every chapter has the same four parts.
- Read it. One big idea, with pictures.
- Try it. An activity you play right here on the screen.
- Away from the screen. A game for paper, pencils and friends.
- Quick check. Three questions. Get them all right to earn a star.
There are 9 stars to collect. Got a question wrong? No problem. Read the hint and have another go. That's how thinkers learn.
Choose a chapter
Chapter 1 · Feelings skill one
Name the feeling
The first step with any feeling is to give it a name. A feeling with a name is easier to handle.
Lots of people only use three feeling words: happy, sad and mad. But "mad" could mean annoyed, frustrated, jealous or furious, and each of those needs something different.
All feelings are OK, including the uncomfortable ones. Feeling angry isn't bad. Feeling scared isn't weak. A feeling is information, and it passes, like weather.
Read what happened. Which word fits the feeling best?
Away from the screen: the feelings check-in
You need: paper and a pencil
Three times today (morning, lunch and bedtime), stop and write one word for how you feel. Try not to use happy, sad or mad. At bedtime, look at your three words. Did your feelings change during the day? What changed them?
Quick checkEarn your star
Chapter 2 · Feelings skill two
Listen to your body
Feelings show up in your body before you have words for them. If you learn your body's signals, you can catch a feeling early.
Butterflies in your tummy. A hot face. Tight fists. A lump in your throat. A heart going fast. These are signals, and everyone's are a little different.
Some signals are shared by more than one feeling. A fast heart and a fluttery tummy can mean nervous or excited. To tell which, look at what's happening around you.
In maths: a feelings scale
You can measure a feeling on a scale from 1 to 5, like a thermometer. 1 is tiny and 5 is huge. "I'm at a 2" tells people much more than "I'm upset". A feeling at 4 needs calming before you do anything else.
Read the body signals and what is happening. Which feeling is most likely?
Away from the screen: the body map
You need: a large sheet of paper and coloured pencils
Draw the outline of a body. Choose four feelings and a colour for each. Colour in where you notice each feeling in your own body. Compare with someone else. What's the same? What's different?
Quick checkEarn your star
Chapter 3 · Feelings skill three
Calm your body
When a feeling gets very big, your thinking brain goes quiet. Before you can sort anything out, you need to calm your body down.
The quickest way is your breath. Slow breathing, with a long breath out, tells your body that you're safe. Try breathing in for a count of four and out for a count of six.
Different tools work for different people, so try them all and see which ones work for you. Practise when you're already calm, so they're ready when you need them.
One calm breath is in for 4 seconds and out for 6 seconds. Work out the totals.
Away from the screen: my calm kit
You need: a small box or bag
Make a calm kit. Put in things that help you settle: a soft toy, a smooth stone, a drawing, a note that says "breathe out slowly". Decorate the box. Keep it somewhere you can reach when a feeling gets big.
Quick checkEarn your star
Chapter 4 · Feelings skill four
Pause, then choose
All feelings are OK. Not all actions are. There's a small gap between a feeling and what you do, and in that gap you get to choose.
When you're angry, you might get an impulse to shout, hit or say something mean. The impulse isn't the problem. Acting on it without thinking is.
In the "think" step, ask two questions. Will this help or hurt? And how will I feel about it in an hour?
You've got a big feeling. Which choice helps?
Away from the screen: traffic lights
You need: red, yellow and green paper or pencils
Make a traffic light. Red: stop and breathe. Yellow: think about what would help and what would hurt. Green: choose and go. Stick it on the fridge. Next time a big feeling comes, point to where you are.
Quick checkEarn your star
Chapter 5 · Feelings skill five
Walk in their shoes
Other people have feelings as big as yours. Empathy means working out how someone else feels and caring about it.
You can't see inside someone's head, but you can look for clues: their face, their body, their voice and what just happened to them.
Clues can fool you, so check. "You look upset. Are you OK?" is one of the kindest things you can say. Then listen. You don't have to fix it. Often, being there is enough.
Read the clues. How is this person most likely feeling?
Away from the screen: feelings detective
You need: a picture book, comic or a TV show with the sound off
Look at a character's face and body. Guess how they feel and say which clue told you. If you're watching with someone, see whether you agree. Turn the sound on, or read the words, to check.
Quick checkEarn your star
Chapter 6 · Feelings skill six
Be a good friend
Being a good friend isn't about being popular. It's about small, kind actions, again and again.
Good friends include others, share, listen and keep their word. They also respect a "no". If someone says, "Stop, I don't like that", a good friend stops.
That goes both ways. You're allowed to say "Stop, I don't like that" too, in a calm, clear voice. If it doesn't stop, tell an adult. That isn't dobbing. It's keeping yourself safe.
Is this what a good friend does?
Away from the screen: kindness on purpose
You need: three small slips of paper
Write down three small kind things you could do this week, such as "invite someone new to play". Do one each day. Afterwards, write how the other person looked, and how you felt.
Quick checkEarn your star
Chapter 7 · Feelings skill seven
Bounce back
Everyone has bad days, loses games and gets things wrong. Resilience is getting back up afterwards.
It doesn't mean pretending you're fine. First you feel the feeling. Then you ask what you can do next.
One thing that helps is sorting a problem into two piles: things you can control and things you can't. You can't control the weather, the referee or what someone else says. You can control your effort, your words and what you try next.
Is each thing in your control, or not?
Away from the screen: the bounce-back plan
You need: paper and a pencil
Think of something that went wrong lately. Draw two circles. In one, write the parts you couldn't control. In the other, write the parts you could. Circle one thing from the second pile to try next time.
Quick checkEarn your star
Chapter 8 · Feelings skill eight
Ask for help
Some problems are too big to carry alone. Asking for help is a brave and sensible thing to do.
Small problems you can often sort out yourself: a friend took your pencil, or you lost a game. Big problems need an adult: someone is being hurt, you feel unsafe, or a worry or sad feeling won't go away.
Think about who is on your team. Hold up one hand and name a trusted adult for each finger: perhaps a parent or carer, a grandparent, a teacher, a coach, a neighbour.
Would you try to sort this out yourself first, or tell a trusted adult?
Away from the screen: my helping hand
You need: paper and a pencil
Trace around your hand. On each finger, write the name of a trusted adult you could go to. Try to include people from different places: home, school and somewhere else. Keep it where you can see it.
Quick checkEarn your star
The last chapter · Put it all together
The big check-in
You now have all eight feelings skills. Here they are, with the question each one asks.
| Skill | Ask yourself |
|---|---|
| Name the feeling | What am I feeling right now? |
| Listen to your body | Where do I feel it? How big is it? |
| Calm your body | What would help me settle? |
| Pause, then choose | Will this help or hurt? |
| Walk in their shoes | How might they be feeling? |
| Be a good friend | How can I show that I care? |
| Bounce back | What can I control? What's next? |
| Ask for help | Who can I talk to? |
Before you go, show what you know. Answer all ten questions to earn your last star and your certificate.
Final testTen questions, every skill
Certificate of Calm and Kindness
This certificate is proudly given to
for learning to name feelings, calm down, understand others and bounce back.
Look it up
Word bank
Every big word in this book, in plain language.
- Calm
- Settled and steady, in your body and your mind.
- Emotion
- A feeling, such as joy, anger, fear or sadness.
- Empathy
- Understanding how someone else is feeling.
- Impulse
- A sudden urge to do something straight away.
- Resilience
- Being able to get back up after something hard.
- Respect
- Treating people in a way that shows they matter.
- Signal
- A sign that tells you something.
- Trusted adult
- A grown-up you feel safe with, who listens and helps.
Parents, carers and teachers
Notes for grown-ups
This book teaches everyday social and emotional skills: naming feelings, calming down, pausing before acting, empathy, friendship, coping with setbacks and asking for help. It is not a treatment for anxiety, low mood or trauma.
If a child's worries or sadness last for weeks, or get in the way of school, sleep or friendships, talk to their teacher, a GP or a school counsellor. In Australia, Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) offers free counselling, any time, for ages 5 to 25. If a child is in immediate danger, call 000.
How to use the book
- One chapter per sitting. Each takes about 15 to 25 minutes, plus the off-screen activity.
- Ages 7 to 8 will get more from it with someone reading alongside. Ages 9 to 12 can usually work alone.
- Chapters build on each other, so going in order works best.
- Wrong answers are part of it. Every quiz question explains itself and can be tried again.
- Stars are saved in this browser on this device. Clearing browser data may reset them.
What each chapter covers
| Chapter | Idea | Where it helps at school |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Name the feeling | Emotional vocabulary | Personal and social capability, writing characters |
| 2. Listen to your body | Body signals, rating feelings on a scale | Health and physical education, number scales |
| 3. Calm your body | Self-regulation tools | Wellbeing, readiness to learn, counting in seconds |
| 4. Pause, then choose | Impulse control, consequences | Playground problems, classroom behaviour |
| 5. Walk in their shoes | Empathy, reading social cues | Reading comprehension, drama |
| 6. Be a good friend | Friendship, respect, apologising | Group work, respectful relationships |
| 7. Bounce back | Resilience, helpful self-talk | Sport, tests, trying new things |
| 8. Ask for help | Help-seeking, trusted adults | Protective behaviours, child safety |